Here is a bit of her story.

Did you consciously choose not to marry and not to have children, or is that the way that your life played out?

It’s just the way my life played out.

And how do you feel about that? Do you feel that you’ve missed out on anything?

Not really. The children — I gave it a lot of thought over time, and my basic take on it was that I was so ambivalent, that it was like, Nah, I’m not the kind of person who needs to have kids.

One of the things that broke up my first long-term relationship was, when I started raising the question, What do you think about this [having kids], he just ran.

I often find that people bring those questions up when relationships are heading south, to try to induce a change in it.

It could have been my way of saying, Okay, what’s the commitment here?

Do you want to be married now?

I would like to be married now, but having never been married; I don’t really have anything to gauge it against. I think that working with Jeanine Kaiser has been really helpful, because she’s helped me to address a lot of my fears, such as, Oh, if I get married, then I’m going to be consumed by this couple relationship, and I’ll lose myself.

I’m not completely familiar with what Jeanine Kaiser does.

She’s a dating coach; we’ve worked together to put my profile on the Internet. She’s encouraged me to spend time and energy in getting photos, professional photos taken of myself. She’s been encouraging me to go to Weight Watchers, and to be more girly, because I’ve always been more of a tomboy type person. It’s a little bit of life coaching. I’m really looking for the relationship that I can grow old with.

How often do you talk to Janine?

About once a week.

Over the phone?

Yes.

How much are sessions?

I pay $320 a month.

What inspired you to seek out a dating coach?

Jeanine has a loss leader weekend that she gives, and I just really got sparked. I really started asking basic questions about my assumptions in life. Some of the ideas and assumptions of [mine] that were being challenged were fifty years old. And that was very refreshing. I was really taken by that. I wanted to continue the challenge. That’s why I went to her for coaching.

Your effort to become more girly, is this something you feel would make you more attractive to men, or is this something that you just want for yourself? Or a little bit of both?

Probably a little bit of both. Even though I said that I’m not girly — in everyday life one of my hobbies is belly dancing, because I get to put on lots of makeup, and dress up in shiny clothes.

Do you feel like a whole person, even though you’re single?

[Hesitating] Yes, yes. I was hesitating because my automatic answer was Yes, and then I wanted to think about it, but yes. Yes. I think, though, that life could be better with the right male counterpart. Periodically I’ll see relationships that make me say, I want that.

Do you think there’s any sense of panic, in trying to find someone?

There’s a little bit. I try to keep it down to a dull roar, but it’s a feeling that I try to fight. The male population thins out, as you get older. That might be part of my desire for commitment. Up until now, or up until the last ten years, it was like, Do I want a man now? Okay, go get one. Am I done with him? Okay, that’s fine. I don’t need anyone right now. But that’s not what I want right now. I don’t want a throwaway.

Once you have this person, do you find that, that urge goes away, or is there something still lacking there?

What’s been driving it is sexual. I’ll just get so horny, it’s like, Okay, it’s time to do something about that. I think what’s different now, is that I’ve always just gone for the sexual attraction, there’s not necessarily much more in common. I would say that I’m probably a good example of someone who’s made some very bad choices in my life.

You said that the male population thins out, when you get older. Does that mean that they’re married?

They’re married. They’re more set in their ways. There’s more women to men available. I think men die off earlier.

What if you met someone, who wanted to be in a long-term relationship with you, but didn’t want to get married. What would that mean to you?

I’d have to think about it, because normally, that would be right up my alley. At this point, I would have questions about whether they were sincere, whether they were truly looking for a long-term relationship and what their issues were about not getting married. I would be asking questions about, Why don’t you want to get married? But I’d have to be asking myself that same question, as well.

Do you think, if you were to be married, or in a long-term relationship, that you would have to sacrifice some of those things you enjoy?

I’m trying not to think of it as a sacrifice, but more of an adjustment. The idea being that I am getting more from the relationship than I am giving away, in order to be in the relationship. If I’m giving away more than I’m getting, then that relationship’s not worth it to me.

What is your biggest regret, when it comes to dating?

Probably the amount of time that I wasted dating guys who really were not the right guy, for whatever reason — whether it was their availability, their health and well-being – I should have said, Oh, well you’re very nice, and you’re very sexy. Move along, now.

When you were younger, did you have a fear of twenty, thirty years down the road, being single?

No.

What do you think married people have, that you don’t?

Not all married people — but in a good marriage, they’ve got somebody who has their interest in mind. It’s a shared interest in well-being, contentment, and making a good life together. That’s what married people have.

Do you think there’s anything that you have, that married couples don’t?

Oh, I’ve got lots of freedom. I love to travel, and I don’t have to ask anybody about whether this is convenient, or whether we have enough money, or what your plans are for the weekend.

I don’t have to do that double-check. I have peace and quiet. If there are any dirty dishes in the sink, they’re my dirty dishes. If I want to turn on the CD player and dance around the house at two o’clock in the morning, that’s totally fine. I can do that.

Here is a bit of her story.

Why did you decide not to have children?

I am the oldest of five. My parents both worked. I spent a lot of my teenage years staying home and babysitting.

At what age did you decide not to have children?

Around 18 to 20.

You are 54. Often I hear people say, “You do not want to have kids now in your 20’s or 30s, but you will regret that decision when you are older.” What do you have to say about this school of thought?

[Laughing] I haven’t.

Has there ever been a time when you thought, “Maybe I should have kids or maybe I should have had them?”

There were a couple of very short periods of time, but they were all for the wrong reason. I have been married twice now. The first time I told my husband I did not want kids. He said that was ok with him, but I think he really did want to have them. When things were a little rough in our marriage I thought, “Maybe I should go ahead and do it.” I am so glad I didn’t. It would have been the wrong thing and for the wrong reason.

What is the psychology behind thinking, “Times are tough in my marriage. If I had kids it would make things better”?

Having kids would have been making him happy. Maybe I thought kids would change my mind [about our marriage].  Maybe it would be some sort of change from how things were, from the status quo.

Why did you ultimately decide not to have children in your first marriage?

I thought if I do this it is going to be 20 years of absolute misery and a situation I cannot get out of if it is the wrong decision. I just felt I would be really, really trapped.

You are married now. Was it hard to find a relationship where your boyfriend or husband was ok with you not wanting to have children?

No it really wasn’t. I really loved being single again. I loved being on my own. I ran my own business. I was financially secure. I had a lot of friends and I just happened to meet this person [my second husband] and he did not want to have kids.

How would you say your life is different from other couples and other women who are in their 50’s who do have children?

I was able to quit my job. I do not know if you want to call it retiring, but I did not have to work again after the age of 45. If I had kids I would probably have to work to put them through college and pay their expenses. I have the freedom to do what I want when I want. I know it comes across as a little self-centered, but this is something which is different for me than it is for my friends with children.

I feel so sorry for them sometimes. They are exhausted. They are running their kids around to soccer, dance lessons and music. They don’t really have a life or an identity. I have a few who don’t know who they are when their kids leave. Their whole life is built around their kids and then the kids want to go off on their own.

How do you generally feel about kids?

For the most I get a kick out of them. I love being around them for a short period of time. I love listening to them talk. I love the things that come out of their mouths. I love when they come to my studio. I don’t like when they are whining and crying.

Do you find you have to justify the reason you did not have kids?

No, I really don’t. I guess I gravitate towards other people who do not have children. I have quite a few people around my age who do not have children. Among those who do have kids I have never felt I had to explain myself.

How do you respond to the argument of “Who is going to take care of you when you are older?”

I have put some thought into that, but then I look at so many families where the children are not helpful, or they are after the parent’s money, or they do not even like their parents anymore. I have seen this in a number of cases. I guess I feel you do not have children so you have someone to take care of you in your old age.  I don’t think it is something you could count on.

Have you ever felt some of your friends with kids are envious of you or your lifestyle?

Yes.

Is this something which was voiced or something you have only felt?

Both. I have had some people tell me I was so lucky to never have had kids. I had a friend of mine this week that has been spending her entire week taking care of her parents, her kids and working. She has no time for herself. She was commenting on how lucky I was that I made the right choice [about not having kids]. I don’t think she would ever want to give up her kids but I know she is a bit envious.

Do you think there is anything mentally, spiritually, physically, financially or otherwise you are missing because you do not have children?

I suppose emotionally I do not have someone who is carrying on my way of thinking, doing things, that kind of thing. To me it is still not that big of an issue to make the commitment to have children.

Do you think people put enough thought into why they are having children and the impact children will have on their lives?

Frankly, no. I think so many people have children because of family pressure or because they like babies. I don’t know if they are having children for reasons which are a whole lot bigger than themselves.

What do you mean by that?

If I was going to have a child it would be because I want to put somebody on the planet who is going to do something good for the world. I would want to spend my time, effort and everything I have in me to make sure this person has the values, morals, education and tools to do this. I do not see most people having children for these reasons. It [having children] just seems the thing to do.

Was there a time in your life you felt like an outcast because you did not have kids?

I can’t think of a time I felt that way.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about people who have chosen not to have kids?

That we are selfish.

This baffles me. What are you being selfish about? How are you being selfish?

I am not sharing my life, my thoughts, my education, my money with someone else. I am doing everything for myself. People think I am out there to do whatever I want to make myself happy.

At the age of 32, Anne opted to have an elective surgery to ensure the possibility of bearing children could never come to fruition.

Here is a bit of her story.

Could you talk to me about how you decided not to have children?

I never really wanted them. There are so many people in the world. We do not need more people. We need to care for the people who are already here. There are plenty of kids who need to be adopted. If you want to make the world a better place you could help a lot of people with all of the time and effort put into raising kids.

Would you consider adoption?

I don’t think I want kids. I am not averse to possibly adopting an older child. I went to Harvard and I always joke I am going to adopt 17 year olds who have really good grades and send them there.

How would you describe your feelings towards children?

As long as they are not annoying they are fine. I prefer children I can have a conversation with, so I tend to like older children.

Have you ever had a problem in a relationship when a guy learns you do not want children?

Yes. It is part of the reason I like online dating. It indicates up front whether or not people have or want kids. Every time someone contacts me and it clearly states they want kids, I wonder why they are wasting my time.

What was the procedure you had done?

I had an Ablation. It took an hour. It ultimately stops your period. They basically cauterize the blood vessels in the uterus so the uterine lining can no longer build up and therefore can no longer shed. If an egg was by chance fertilized it wouldn’t have anywhere to implant itself. It would either spontaneously abort or attach itself to the uterus which would be a medical concern.

Is there a reason you felt you had to go to this extreme to ensure you would not have kids?

It wasn’t extreme for me. They have laser hair removal and many other things to make life more convenient. The thing I hated the most about being a girl was my period. Very few people ever ask me if I am going to have kids, but now I can say with a clear conscience that I can’t.

When you tell people you can’t have children do you explain this was a voluntary choice?

The last time it came up was about 3 years ago and I think I said, “I don’t want to have kids and I made sure of it.” It is a medical procedure and it is private. I have told two friends of mine. I have never told my parent’s or my sister. I told my roommate because I was really excited about this liberation.

Were you ever afraid you would change your mind?

No. Never once in my entire life have I ever considered having a child. They usually recommend having this procedure when you are older. I was 32 at the time. I was old enough to make the decision.

Did insurance cover it?

The insurance covered the majority of it. I would have paid for all of it. I think the whole procedure was about $2500 or $3000. I think I paid $600 or $1000 towards it. As far as I am concerned it is the best deal in town.

What are your thoughts on people who do have children?

It is fine as far as I am concerned. If you get pregnant I am against abortion, so I think you should follow through.  I think people should be responsible for the kids they have. I think people should consider others in their town and world before they start having 20 kids, but at the end of the day it is their choice.

How do you think this has or will change your social life?

I tend to attract people who do not want to have kids, so I don’t think it affects my social life. I don’t think it will impact me in the future, but maybe that is lack of imagination on my part.

What do you think about the argument of “you will regret it when you are older” or “who will take care of you in your old age”?

Certainly end of life concerns weigh heavily on me. I am keenly aware of the fact I might not have anyone else to cover my end of life expenses. I just think to put all of that on your kids is not ok. You create social networks wherever you are. The idea that you will suddenly be without a social network when you are older is hard to believe.

What do you think the biggest misconception is about people who do not want to have kids?

People think we are selfish. The thought is I am not doing my part to bring more smart people in the world. I don’t get it. Why don’t we do a better job educating the people who are here?

Is there anything else you would like to say?

There is the notion of legacy. For me, I never knew my grandfathers. I kind of knew my grandmothers. I don’t know what kind of people they were. Legacy lasts for 5 minutes and then it is gone. This is why I am about making my own legacy, making my own mark on the world. To me it is passing the buck. People are trying to give their kids the American dream. Why don’t they live the American dream, help others achieve it, and stop trying to pass that responsibility down to the next generation?

Here is a bit of her story…

What do you think of children?

I always joke with my friends when they say, “You just must not like children.” I say, “I love children. They taste like chicken.” That always gets a good laugh. I actually like children. I really do. I just don’t want my own.

If someone waved their magic wand and you had children tomorrow, what would that take away from you?

I would lose the ability to do some of the things I want to do out in the community, to support other people, to give my time to certain things and causes, because I would be focused on the children. I also would not be able to pick up and travel and that is one of the things I love most in life.

What do you think is the primary reason people have children?

I will probably get in trouble for saying this, but of the people I know I think it is on accident.

I don’t know if I buy the accident story when people are having sex and not using birth control.

I don’t necessarily buy it either. Sometimes I think only one partner was in on the plan.

Have you experienced any difficulty socially as a result of your choice not to have children?

When people see something that is opposite of them they think it is ok to say something. You would never walk up to someone and say, “God your fat.” I find the same thing happens with not having children. People think you are selfish. I get that a lot. Anytime you have something new or you go on a vacation people say things like, “Of course you can. You don’t have kids.” It doesn’t matter that I have saved for six months, I am really good with money, I am a good planner, and I know what I want to do in my life. In their minds, it is because I don’t have kids that I am able to do things. Sometimes I feel those things get shortchanged.

How is it brought up that you are selfish?

People use that exact phrase. They tell me, “God you are selfish.” I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that. I get it a lot from older people, but I am surprised how often I get it from people in their 30’s and 40’s. Older people tell me I am denying my mother grandchildren or they say, “Are you living your life just for you? What are you planning on leaving in this world? Who do you think will take care of you when you are old?” I get the last one a lot.

Who do you think will take care of you when you are old?

I have the same option as everyone else. I am probably going to have to pay someone to take care of me. I think people who think their kids are going to stop their lives to take care of their parents when they have their own children, grandchildren and careers have pretty unrealistic expectations.

Have you ever felt discriminated against in a work situation because you did not have kids?

No, I feel I have had more career opportunities because I don’t have kids. As a childless woman that could work and could go on the business trips, I feel I was given favor because of that. All of the female senior managers at my last job were childless. I do not say that proudly. It is just the way it seemed to work.

What do you think is the fundamental difference between you and your family or friends who do have children?

I think I have a lot more self confidence than they do. I don’t think it is because I am better or smarter, because that is certainly not true. I think it is because all of my accomplishments are on my own and all of the accomplishments of people with children are through the children. I am absolutely not slamming them at all, but I think they spend so much time on their children that sometimes they forget about themselves.

How was it you decided to get a tubal ligation?

I started having blood pressure problems. I had taken birth control for twenty years. Taking birth control for that long can affect your blood pressure. I went off birth control and my blood pressure immediately went back to normal. When we couldn’t use birth control we decided this was the best way to go.

To some people this might seem a bit extreme. Was there any reason you decided to take it this far?

After over 10 plus years of knowing I didn’t want to have kids it just seemed like the best thing for me.

Does insurance pay for tubal ligations?

My insurance paid for it. I don’t know if this is typical.

Was it hard to find a doctor to perform this procedure?

I did not have any push back from my doctor or my insurance.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about people who do not have kids?

[Laughing] That we are wild, have sex all the time and spend money like crazy. Granted we do have a lot of freedom in our lives, but it is not like we are having sex and decadent dinners every night.

Do you feel there is anything I did not ask you?

There are so many people that say their way is the way. You get that from people who have kids, from people who don’t, people who are religious, people who are not, Republicans, Democrats. I think the important thing to recognize is we are all on a path. We are not on the path. We should be respectful of other people’s decisions. We should understand why they are where they are and hopefully get the same respect back. I think it is the key to all of us getting along better and living happier lives. I certainly do not hate children. I love that other people are having kids and enjoying their families and obviously, [laughing] that there will be people to take care of me in my old age.

Here is a bit of her story.

What, to you, do good couples look like?

One of my favorite couples had this easy rapport with each other, where it wasn’t, one of them doing all the talking and the other one just sitting there; or one of them continually saying, No, that’s not what we want, or, No, that’s wrong, or What are you talking about? They were always at ease with each other. They were always happy to be around each other. They were very excited about everything about the wedding. They wanted to pursue extra pre-marital counseling. They did a compatibility profile. I don’t think that it was that they were having any problems in their relationship. I think they just wanted to make sure that, that base was there, for the future.

And the bad couples? What do they look like?

I would say my worst couple — and really the one that I should have walked away from, because they weren’t even healthy for me to be around — they actually ended up calling the wedding off, twice, and then still ended up getting married.

Oh, boy.

And they weren’t at ease with each other. They were constantly bickering. There were times when I just got the feeling they just wanted it all over with: Let’s just get this all over with. Then we’ll be married, and we can be miserable married, just like we’re miserable now.

What is the thought behind that? I’m miserable, you’re miserable, we’re miserable, everyone around us is miserable. I know what we’ll do. Let’s get married.

I really don’t know. Is this my last chance? Some women do feel that way, still, that I need to be married to be an accepted member of society. People will think it’s odd that I’m not married.

What do you see as the difference between couples who are having a wedding to be married and those who are having a wedding simply to have a big party?

It is not always the case, obviously — but a lot of the time, I feel when the groom isn’t involved in the planning it is about the party. If I might meet the groom twice in that year — I always get the feeling that they’re not really interested in the wedding. So when I do meet them, I’m always interested in seeing who they are. More often than not, I just don’t see how these two people are matched.

Is it an opposites attract kind of thing?

My client base is a little bit older. Sometimes I feel, maybe they think, This might be my last chance. I really do get that feeling, sometimes, unfortunately.

That baffles me. Last chance for what?

I think some of them think, This is the last chance for me to get married and have kids. I really do.

Ah!

I have a specific client in mind. She was a very independent. I didn’t meet her groom until, about, six months into planning the wedding. He was a guy she knew from high school. She met him again at a bar, and six months later, they were engaged. I think she thought, I should be married. This is my chance. That wedding was kind of a disaster. They weren’t speaking by the end of the reception.

What happened?

He was late to the ceremony. He got very intoxicated after the ceremony. He dirty-danced with some bridesmaid on the dance floor. She spent a majority of the time, I would say, either very upset with him or crying in the brides room.

How much do you think wedding planning causes further problems in the actual marriage?

I think sometimes weddings can bring to the forefront issues people either weren’t dealing with, or were ignoring.

You take these people, couples that are traditionally normal, families that are traditionally normal, you put a wedding in the mix and it brings out the cuckoos.

I don’t think there’s actually any traditional, normal. I think this is a time are a time where there are a lot of stresses; there is a lot of family involvement, more so than anything, really.

What do you think it is about people who fixate on the napkins, or the matchbooks, or the first songs? I mean, is it really about the napkins, the matchbooks, and the first songs; or is it about something else?

A lot of the time, I think it’s more that they’re trying to please somebody else. This is what you’re supposed to do. Maybe it is a little upmanship. I hear, My friend had XYZ at their wedding, and I want to do ABC, but I want it with a twist.

How does wedding planning look different if it is a second marriage?

I find in second weddings, there’s a lot more emphasis on, This is our marriage, and what does it mean, and who are we as a couple?

Where do most couples put the most and least emphasis?

I don’t know how many people really sit down and read every reading [the church provides them to select from], and try to figure out, “What does it say about us as a couple,” whereas, people who are planning their reception, will sit down and be like, Now what exactly is in this appetizer, and can we have a tasting, so we can see what it tastes like?

Why do you think that is?

I think because that’s where the marketplace has put the emphasis. There are a lot of people who will say to me, I want to make sure I have XY and Z that’s in this magazine. Well, there aren’t a lot of pictures of ceremonies in magazines.

I hadn’t thought about that.

There’s something in an Indian ceremony where they walk around a fire, seven times. It is called the seven promises or something like that. Anybody could have that in their ceremony. But no one’s going out and researching it. But if somebody wants a martini luge at their reception, wow, you can research that.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about marriage?

That it will make your relationship better or solve a problem in your relationship.

Is there anything you feel that I haven’t asked you, that’s important to share about the wedding planning process, or your role in it, or marriage?

I would just say for people who are planning a wedding, it would be my hope that they don’t get caught up in all the details. That they work on their relationship during that year, year-and-a-half, as well, because you’re going to work on your relationship the rest of your life. You don’t put it on hold to plan your wedding.

………….

To learn more about Robyn or Red Letter Event Planning visit: http://www.redlettereventplanning.com/

Here is a bit of her story…

How long were you married before you moved to France?

About fifteen years, maybe a little bit more.

Do you think part of the decision to move to Paris was needing that distance apart?

No. It was the opposite. My husband, Joe and I, are best friends. It was more of a, This is the right thing to do for our career growth. It’s a two-year time frame. Let’s see how we can make it work, and if at some point during that, it’s not working, then we’ll reevaluate and decide from there.

Does this mean your career was more important to you than your relationship?

For us, at that time, careers were important, but we also had agreed that if something wasn’t working well, that we would check in on that and make a decision as to what to do next. So I guess you could say, for a two-year time frame, we did put careers on a high level, but that wasn’t to say that our relationship wasn’t important during that time.

What was it like when you did see each other?

I think a lot of people romanticize the idea of living in different countries, when in reality for us, anyway, it wasn’t likeI think that the idea of it being a fantasy, when you do see each other, is overrated. It’s not very realistic, in terms of what it’s actually like — for us, anyway. It’s really not that way. Of course you’re happy to see each other, but you’re tired. But from a personal level, it was definitely challenging.

Was it strange visiting each others respective homes?

When he would come visit me, it was like he was in my domain, and when I would come back here to Toronto, it was like I was in his domain. If he had moved something, I would think, Hm, why did you do that? It’s a bit difficult to figure out boundaries when you only have a weekend together.

How often would you see each other?

We’d spend maybe three, four days at a time, together, every four to six weeks.

What would you say was the key in making it work?

I think you have to have communication, for sure. It worked better for us, with [him being in] San Francisco, because he was home every other weekend. Don’t get me wrong. It was definitely a challenge, living apart. I think you have to figure out the way to make it work, and if it doesn’t work, you have to say, This isn’t working and then figure out what to do next.

Was it devastating, when you thought the end of your stint in France was coming, and then to learn that he was going to be in San Francisco?

It was another good opportunity for him. I love San Francisco, so I saw it, also, as an opportunity to spend a little bit more time there. We’re pretty mobile people and we’re able to adjust to different situations. We weren’t thinking this was a long-term thing.

How do you think the distance strengthened your relationship?

I think it’s true that when you are away from someone, you realize the qualities that they have and how much you respect and appreciate those qualities. Of course, when you’re together, then you find out the irritating things you think you each have about each other.

I also think I developed this ability to do some things on my own that I didn’t do before. I realized that I can do these things that I didn’t realize I could have done before.

Has the appreciation faded now that you are living together again?

We have always had a pretty good respect for each other. Of course, we have those irritants, but I think the irritants were probably more apparent when we were visiting for a weekend. You think, I don’t put the soap there, versus when you get into the groove of managing a house together. I think it’s a little bit different.

Do you think the distance deteriorated your relationship at all?

No. I think that there are definitely challenges, but I think that our relationship is probably stronger today than it ever was. My husband said to me, one day, “You know, I respect you more and more every day,” and that, for me, was probably one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. He could see that I had grown, and for him to recognize that and play that back to me was, for me, really rewarding.

It’s difficult to feel like you have a normal relationship when you physically have that distance, even though you try to make it as normal as possible by using technology and whatever.

How would you try to make your relationship normal?

We used to do silly rituals, like, on a Saturday afternoon — I had a Paris apartment which had beautiful windows that open up onto the street. It’s summer, and Saturday, and I’d open up the windows and I’d turn on some music, and we’d get on the phone. We’d have a glass of wine over the phone, as though we were sitting in Paris together, looking out onto the street, having a glass of wine.

Do you think there’s a case for long-term couples, or for married couples, to spend time apart, like this?

I really think that is a case-by-case situation. I think that some people, it would work for; and others, it would not work for. I couldn’t make that call for somebody else.

What about fidelity? Were there any concerns with that?

No, again, I think that’s a couple-by-couple basis, and you have to figure out what your level of tolerance is, and how you will manage that. You have great weekends together, and you find alternatives and ways to work around that.

Now that you’re living together again, what are the adjustments?

For me, coming back to Canada from France, the adjustment was, first of all, a cultural adjustment. I felt like I was moving back into his house. So there was that adjustment.

When you’re a couple, I guess you get used to the fact that someone wants something done in a certain way. When you’re on your own, you do it how you want it, and no one’s telling you to do it another way.

Has this changed your idea of marriage, at all?

No, I don’t think so at all. Not at all.

Would you say that your marriage is perhaps different than the norm?

Yes, but I would say that our relationship was always different than the norm. We chose not to have children, and that’s not very common amongst couples. We are best friends and when we travel, we travel together and spend a lot of time doing things together, so I don’t think we’re a typical couple, anyway.

So what would happen if tomorrow, one of you got a really good opportunity to leave, again?

Well, that’s quite possible. My husband is now doing a lot of consulting with U.S. companies, so that’s quite a possibility. We would just evaluate it, if it’s a good opportunity. Yes, we would consider that. For us, it’s about finding a way to make it work.

I think it’s a very significant possibility that, that could happen.

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